The Real Story of Easter

Oh way back when, when things were simple and the air wasn’t the smog of industry. Back before time and mind made fetid the race of humans. When it was OK to pass a tendril of  gas through the rectum into the thin night air and no nostril would twitch, no mouth would open in protest.

In that day of the suns great glory, when semen did fly imperiously, there was a lady fair. A simple working woman with beautiful star smeared legs, big bountiful eye catching stocks. They glistened with sweat in the hot sun, sandals flopping down the roman hillside. A vision of lust for all soldiers and slaves to see.

Her husband, a burly fisherman, defended those statues with the ferocity of a madman; and a madman he was. Rumor was he once ate a man’s eye because the texture became suddenly impossibly appealing. He once ate his own feces it was whispered.

So vicious and cruel was he, no champion would think to try and steal his maiden’s hand, for she had been tainted and his mind had surely dripped poison into hers. It was cried along the walls and markets, palaces and brothels that the lady with the golden beauties, who ran hereabouts, had an unconscionable thing done to her by that madman. So terrible was the deed, she would henceforth be socially scalded, and was given the moniker “Shark Pussy”.

A year before a drunkards lip first quivered whilst speaking that slanderous name. That unquestionable golden beauty was exploring a grave. The dead were so peaceful she always had thought, so she left for the mausoleum that lay lonely, at that spot. There, upon a grave was engraved simply, “Jesus of Nazareth rests here eternally”.

Standing with golden legs rooted against the stiff breeze. Something moaned and stirred beneath her feat. A rotting arm did show itself then, and then a body, and finally a head. “I am Jesus Christ of Nazareth and my cock will inside you, fair maiden be spent.”

“Oh no Jesus I must be faithful, with my man there is no repent”

“Listen bitch I’m resurrected, freshly erected, been hungry in that grave.” So with no more words said, he took her and had her and made her his. “Yes I am Jesus and this woman is mine. No roman will cross the line, my seed did sow.” But words are just words, and hold no real power, so when the madman came home within that lusty hour,

a look did cross his face, like ice, like sleet, like horrible rain; and then he changed, and morphed again and again “Oh no, oh no Jesus he’ll kill us all, leave now, please save your holy self.”

“Well fuck I thought I was the man under god, but this guy is crazy so I’m going to split.”

“Goodbye Jesus she moaned.” As his sandaled feet scurried out the door.

She turned her head shaking and quivering so. “Please don’t hurt me, please, you know how I love you so.” He turned to her from a lost place and said “A Jew, not even a pure roman you did bed.”

“I know I am bad, he just seemed to shine.”

“You’d say that of every cock you could find.”

“Well I am doomed now to face the wrath I did fetch”

“Yes this is true, in fact I brought home quite a large catch”

“Why dear why do you discuss things so trivial.” And out of his pouch came a shark on the swivel. “Well sweet thing, lovely, you snake like cunt, this shark well…”

Oh that temptress with the long languid pig tails

With hearty rump and the open ocean eyes

She who runs hereabouts with breast bouncing high

Well she sir is tainted, don’t lend her an eye.

One Response to “The Real Story of Easter”

  1. lol interesting, its been awhile since I’ve heard the phrase ‘shark pussy’.

    Thanks for stopping by my blog, I have already ahd a bunch of requests and I have quite the backlog but feel free to throw out suggestions, 50% chance the movie you suggest is already on my backlog though, so don’t worry about it too much.

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